I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine. His name is Absurdly Critical Inner Voice. I say friend. I mean it in the same way that you might be fond of ebola, a kick in the face, or being awoken by an air horn.
Absurdly Critical Inner Voice, or ACIV, has been a close follower of my work for some years. He never fails to speak up.
Don't get me wrong. I love criticism, honestly I do. But ACIV isn't so much a critic, as an expert saboteur. He also thinks himself qualified to comment on a number of issues besides my work, such as: my dress sense, my haircut, and my choice in sexual partners.
Yes. ACIV has always been there for me.
About 6 months ago I pulled away from a traditional publishing deal after getting wind of just how arduous it would be to get through. I'd been reading about self-publishing and thought, Well, if I'm really any good, maybe I can just make it in the indie world instead and maintain total freedom over my work.
ACIV had some strong opinions about this approach and immediately took the opportunity to chime in.
ACIV: What's this indie nonsense all about?
Alex: I'm going to edit all my own stuff and put it up online.
ACIV: Right.
Alex: Lots of people are doing it at the moment, and some are even making a living from it.
ACIV: Uh huh.
Alex: What?
ACIV: No, nothing. Sounds like a great idea.
Alex: Thanks for your support. This is very uncharacteristic of you, but I'm sure it's sincere.
ACIV: You're welcome. Your books are fantastic so I'm sure you'll be fine. Why, I'm sure what the world needs right now is more pompous diatribes about a twenty-something's uninformed opinions on the world.
Alex: Is there any hot chocolate in the house?
ACIV: And you're going to promote yourself too, are you?
Alex: I was planning on it, yes.
ACIV: That sounds like a wonderful plan. What are you going to sell yourself with first? Your poor grasp on grammar, or hopeless composition?
Alex: Yeah. Okay.
ACIV: Other people are doing this too huh?
Alex: Yes, Hugh Howey for example. He also writes sci-fi and he's done very well for himself.
ACIV: Arguably because Hugh Howey can actually write.
Alex: I want some hot chocolate.
And so on and so on.
Several months ago I started taking indie publishing seriously. I put my first work of fiction up on Amazon (I won't plug it, you can find it on my Who Be You page if you're particularly interested) and moved onto the next book. I have 8 that I've been sitting on for about five years, books I slaved over and subsequently forgot about. So I started going through the motions of proofing, editing, and tidying them up.
Then something interesting happened.
I found that writing isn't actually that hard. Well, it is – obviously, just like any craft. But it isn't that hard compared to self-promotion.
Writing takes diligence and turning up at the desk everyday, and lots of stylistic decision making. But it doesn't require much of an immediate belief in yourself. Not really. You write based on your own taste, the kind of book you'd want to read yourself. And then you put one word in front of another, lots, and eventually, if all goes well, you have a book.
I'm done, you think. Done! Look! A book! With words, and punctuation, and characters, and twists, and metaphors, and everything!
The interesting part for me was finding out that in the indie world, on the completion of months or years of work, the fun has only just begun. If you're just starting out, you're still basically anonymous. Reviewers have no idea who you are. You have no audience. You're going to need to sell your books based on little more than a few paragraphs of blurb. And that's difficult.
It's difficult because if, like me, you have your own ACIV jabbering away constantly, reminding you of your ineptitude, and naivety, and poor choice in sexual partners, you're likely to get pulled down by it. And it requires some considerable effort to get back up.
It requires, I've found, an unwavering devotion to getting your work out there, to not stopping work for the day until you've emailed one hundred reviewers, edited two more chapters, and begged yet another ereader site to take on your new book.
And it only takes one fruit of that work to come good to remind you of why you're doing this in the first place. An email thanking you for taking the time to flesh out some character, or commending your style, or just saying hello – and wishing you well, asking you to keep going. An unexpected rise in book sales for absolutely no reason. A shout-out from someone you've never even spoken to before.
These are the small things, I have found, that deal a huge amount of damage to ACIV. Because he can keep jabbering, he can yap all he likes, but it's hard to stand up to unprovoked kindness from strangers.
Honestly, I'm glad ACIV is there. Days when things are going well, it's a two-pronged success: Things are going well, but even better, ACIV doesn't have a leg to stand on. His attempted acts of sabotage have fallen flat.
Then he just has to revert to commenting on your general appearance instead. And I'm fine with that.
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